Barrel equals death over time
by TheMintMonkey'sCousin
Summary: Set at the the end of the 4th series. What should have happened. Some Mickey/Martha. Don't Cross the Line.
1. Chapter 1

Fan Fiction

After Rose and the duplicate Doctor had been dropped off in the parallel universe it was time for the others to return home. Sarah-Jane left to go home to Bannerman road and it was time for Martha, Mickey and Captain Jack to leave. Jack saluted the Doctor and ran from the TARDIS back to his friends at Torchwood. Martha and Mickey were slower to leave and the Doctor tried hard to keep the tone light but it was Donna who managed to reduce the awkwardness between the time lord and his friends. 'So Martha we expect an invitation to your wedding unless you want us to gatecrash and scare away your husband?' The Doctor grinned but Martha just smiled tightly and sighed. 'Yeah. Well about that. Um . . . well me and Tom we kind of split up.' There was an akward silence during which Mickey decided that it was time for him to leave. 'Er I'll see you around, yeah?' Martha took the oppurtunity to go out on a high and spun round, grabbed her jacket, stormed past Mickey and shouted 'I hope you rot in hell doctor boy!' The others looked shocked and the Doctor seemed slightly hurt when Martha turned round and winked at them and grabbing Mickey's hand left the TARDIS.

The Doctor stared at Donna; something was up. 'Have you had a haircut?' he asked. 'No you idiot I think I'm dying.'Finally drawn back to his senses the Doctor opened the TARDIS door and shouted

'Martha. Mickey?' he looked across the park that they'd landed in. When he found them they were comfortably kissing or exchanging saliva as the Doctor considered it. 'You two hurry up I think Donna's dying!'

* * *

You Just Crossed The Line

The three of them raced back to the TARDIS. Donna was nowhere to be seen. After placing their Thinking Caps firmly onto their heads they set about on their quest. They found Donna by the river, hammering herself into a splintering barrell. 'Hello' said the Doctor. 'Rot in hell' said Donna. 'Do you mind chuckin' me a couple of nails?' Martha and Mickey exchanged bamboozled glances. 'Bang' said Donna, 'I want to go out with a BAAANNNNNG' Donna finished pounding her scrawny excuse for an arm muscle against the lid of the barrel. The Doctor pulled from his back pocket a handy packet of ginger biscuits. Always the best thing to do in a crisis. 'I know I'm ginger but that's no excuse for the biccys' cried Donna. 'Um, Doctor what's going on? Why are you letting Donna hammer herself into a barrell?' Asked Martha. 'I'm sorry Martha but this is a job for a time-lord.' Martha and Mickey stepped back slightly, looking between Donna and the Doctor. Finally Martha nodded. 'ROT IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. You were always second to my lovely Rose-y-poo. You smell.' Mickey stepped protectively in front of Martha he shook his head condescendingly at the Doctor. He grabbed Martha's hand and the pair walked Doctor spat a pip in her direction. 'I hate you forever and ever Amen.' It was apple.

Meanwhile Donna was casually rolling herself down the hill in her handy barrel of nails. Momentum = massxvelocity. PPPPhyssssssssssssssssssics. ANYWAY The Doctor sat on his bum and slid down the hill. Speed= Distance/Time. 'DOOOOOOOOOONA' 'DOCTOR! Why didn't you tell me that barrel=death/time?' 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Donna we have nuclear weapons, I mean we have no options we are going to have to make a donna kebab.' But noone heard the Doctor's pathetic attempt at humour because everyone, by which I mean Donna, was dead. Shame.

End of Chapter: please review our story I know we promised Mickey/Martha and there will be more in the next chapter if you review! Review or else ROT IN HELL!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Summary: Where were Mickey and Martha while this was happening?

Mickey was worried about Martha. Ever since the Doctor had told her that she wasn't as good as Rose she'd barely said more than one word. 'Mickey?' finally, he thought, she's speaking. 'Mickey?' Martha said again. He looked up at her. They were sat in a cafe near the River Dee waiting to ask the Doctor what had happened to Donna. 'Do you think Rose is better than me?' Mickey looked at her. She had tears in her pleading chocolate-brown eyes and her bottom lip was wobbling slightly. sfx: wibble wobble. Mickey mumbled and stuttered awkwardly. He wasn't really very good at this. He studied her again and as he looked at her, he instinctively compared her to Rose. Rose was pretty, he considered, but Martha was just as beautiful and Rose might have been the girl he'd loved for years but he'd kissed Martha and he had felt something, hadn't he? Martha was everything he loved about Rose and lots more besides, but did that make her better? 'Will you marry me?' Mickey asked shocked at the words tumbling out of his mouth. Martha looked at him with her mouth wide open and then her face contorted with anger.

You just crossed the line

'Why are you asking her that?' Martha screamed. She tugged at the fold in her neckline that was slightly a different colour to the rest of her body and her face fell off. Mickey had thought it was just her foundation line but clearly this was not the case. Behind the mask was Rose 'Rot in hell Mickey, rot in hell'. Mickey was terrified for the girl he'd wanted to marry, by marry I mean make marzipan with, and asked Rose hurriedly. 'WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER? SHE IS NOT A RABBIT OR A SWAN SO YOU MAY NOT ADD HER TO _**YOUR**_ MARZIPAN COLLECTION.' Rose seemed unfazed 'I didn't do anything she's at home reading the knitting weekly. It's the Lord of the Flies special; you learn how to knit Ralph!' Mickey pondered this statement for a moment before deciding to discard it as an effect of shock. Rose remebered who she was, what she was doing and the meaning of life. 'Marzipan!'

'42'

Rose reached deep inside herself for the worst word she knew 'You let the bloody fire out. You just wanted Martha all along didn't you? For your marzipan collection. Well I'm not going to let you. Your marzipan collection will never be better than mine. And my Dad is bigger than yours. Rot in hell Mickey she is the greatest marzipan in all of space and time and she will be mine.' Hey, thought Mickey , Rose is a poet and she doesn't know it. He realised that maybe if he added Rose to his marzipan collection she wouldn't trouble him anymore and he could share his collection with his precious Martha-wartha. Hmmmm maybe Rose the one who writes poems not prose could help him out. He was onto about his fifth similar thought process before Rose hit him with a waitresses mop. The Doctor ran in . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . to the table, and fell back and cracked his skull in half 'Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo'

'I think your looking for Hamlet Doctor'

'No' said the Doctor ' Hamlet is EVIL PURE EVIL! Hamlet has the word ham in it and I am a strict vegetarian'

With these last words the Doctor collapsed unconsious (even though the sensors in his brain were alive and kicking in their job of knitting up his brain tissues.)

'Talking of knitting' said Martha 'I think I'd better start on the Ralph project.' Settling down on a handy boulder she squatted beneath the setting sun of the island and began to knit her heart out.


	3. Chapter 3

These characters belong to the makers of doctor who not to us :( and all lord of the flies references are respectfully taken from William Golding's brilliant book.

Chapter 3

Summary: This should be an avatar crossover. But it isn't so anyway. Mickey finds Martha and the doctor finds Rose. This is set one day later than the last chapter. A lot had happened in a day but we weren't there so on with the story.

Mickey sat down at the table and handed Martha her coffee. 'I'm sorry Mickey I just ran off. I didn't explain about how much I love Lord of The Flies. It's just how I deal with grief.' Mickey smiled. When he'd found Martha he had been a little confused. 'It's alright' he said 'I found you eventually.' He decided not to mention the conversation with Rose. It had seemed like the right thing to do and he was tired after having to travel to that island to find her, although there was no shortage of fruit. Martha grinned remembering how Mickey had come to find her. She was shaken from her thoughts by Mickey saying her name. 'What?' she replied. 'Well' said Mickey 'I was wondering if you'd like to go out I know this lovely little cafe near a river.' 'Sure' said Martha 'we can go now if you want.'

You just crossed the line

They reached the cafe and Mickey swore under his breath. Meaning he blew out ducked and then swore. He remembered what this cafe was. It was built in 1962 and was known for it's delicious cream teas at a reasonable price mmmmmmm-mmmmm. Ok now we're just giving birth. It was also the place of the last great marzipan battle. And Rosey-poo the poety-poo was still their along with her doctor-woctor who was unconcious-woncious. 'Doctoooooooooooooooooooor!' sang Martha 'Why are you sooooooooo still?' and then Mickey couldn't help but burst into song 'Like my mate Bill ...' Martha slapped him with a slipper-kipper. 'No you have a terrible singing voice. ROT IN HELLLLLLLLLLLL!' Mickey burst into tears and melted into a puddle which Martha cleaned up with the waitresses mop. The Doctor is sitting in a corner looking quite bemused. He's playing on the new TARDIS LITE. Pacman's just turned green. Weird.

Meanwhile Rose had grabbed Martha and was shoving her into a bag. It said SWAG. Stopping only to empty a Diet coke onto the patio, Rose surreptitiously crawled out of the shop, down the alley and through the euro star tunnel on her journey to France.

The Doctor realised it was time for action. _For every force and action. There is an equal and opposite reaction. _Hauling in the cafe's fish freezer, he placed (very carefully because remember Mickey is just a little puddle) Mickey inside and solidified him back into his normal jolly self. Filling a knapsack with some stuff and slipping on some conveniently placed diet coke they set off for France, the land of the loaves.


	4. Chapter 4

These characters belong to the makers of doctor who not to us :( and all lord of the flies references are respectfully taken from William Golding's brilliant book.

Chapter 4

Summary: But it isn't so anyway. But it is. In this chapter Mickey and the doctor catch up with Rose and martha.

'Why are we in France?' asked Martha. 'Well' said Rose calmly 'I'm not letting Mickey have you.' Martha looked at Rose seemingly shocked. 'You're jealous?' she said incredulously. 'Yes' answered Rose 'I'm jealous of him.' 'Wait' said Martha 'Don't you mean your jealous of me?' 'No' Rose replied confidently 'I want you not him' Martha hid her shock and began to ponder Rose's new tendencies.

Meanwhile...

'Right so we have to follow them into France?' Mickey repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time. 'Yep' the Doctor said jovially. 'So why are we stood outside this door then?' 'Ah.' Said the Doctor 'That would be because there is a sign which says construction work in progress come back in 10 minutes' 'Right I'm going in' said Mickey. 'Oh right you and which army?' asked the Doctor patronisingly.

You just crossed the line

At that moment the entire army marched past them. Trumpets peeped, bells jingled and father christmas flew past on his sleigh. 'That army' said Mickey, giving the Doctor a saucy wink. 'Mickey' said the doctor 'You should get that tomato sauce away from your eye. It might sting.' 'of course Doctor' Mickey answered gratefully 'I don't know what came over me' The Doctor nodded thoughtfully 'Probably the sauce Mickey.'

'What's that over the horizon, galloping out of the sunset?' asked Mickey. 'That would be my army' said the Doctor smugly. 'I've got 600,000 on horseback,500,000 footsoldiers, 3 catapulters and 1 caterpillar.' Mickey fumed silently. Someone should really have let the bloody fire out. He had only half a caterpillar. 'This is almost as great as the marzipan battle of yesterday' Mickey announced via his megaphone. Top of the range with 5 different voice settings including dalek! (No advertising is contained within this fiction. Just ask our lawyer. Seriously.)

The battle was in full swing. That's rope swing not tyre swing. When Mickey and the Doctor saw Rose and Martha.

'Speaking of saws,' said Martha 'I should really finish this woodwork project.' And she squatted on a handy boulder and began to saw her lungs out.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: the characters of doctor who belong to their creators NOT US. Any references made to William Golding's fantastic book (well worth a read) are made with the utmost respect and admiration. Lyrics from the song 'sweet sweet' are also not our property but belong to the incredibly talented Dean Martin.

Summary: what is Martha doing? How's the doctor and Rose's reunion going to work out? And what really happened to Donna? Read on to discover the answers and probably a lot of other useless information.

Mickey sprinted over to Martha leaving the Doctor and Rose alone. Without Mickey and Martha the pair seemed to see each other for the first time. 'DOCTOR' shouted rose as she began to run towards the time-lord. 'ROSEY-POO' the Doctor yelled as he started to run up to meet her. 'I thought I told you not to call me that.' Said Rose as she leapt into the Doctor's warm embrace. He looked at her sheepishly 'maybe you did and maybe you didn't' he replied a mischievous grin on his face.

The mood changed. Rose stopped herself from laughing and stared up at the Doctor with tears in her eyes. 'I've missed you, you know' she said lightly trying not to give away how much, worried that he didn't feel the same. 'Nowhere near as much as I've missed you Rose.' They drew closer to each other, the gap in between them closing gradually as Rose stared up in to the Doctor's earnest, steel-grey eyes. 'Rose' said the Doctor. She nodded gently. 'There's something I've been meaning to tell you' Birds were singing in the trees. 'I . . . ' emotional violin music was playing in the background . . .

You just crossed the line

'Mickey stop playing. That's supposed to be Rhapsody in D major not G minor' Martha shouted. Mickey was panicking his thoughts were a mess. Just like his sock drawer. Wait! That's it, thought Mickey, if I distract myself by reorganising my sock drawer then I won't cry, and if I don't cry I won't turn into a puddle. He skipped away. He was quite happily re-arranging his sock drawer, when he heard a gigantic thud. 'Someone hasn't let the bloody fire out again have they?' But no, this was not the case. The thud was Martha (she had just put on a few pounds due to the lovely cream teas and marzipan swans.)

Mickey swivelled slowly on his swivel chair. His mouth dropped off. His flabber had never been so ghasted. The Doctor padded over to see what all the fuss was about. 'Martha, have you had a haircut?' 'ROT IN HELL DOCTORRRRRR.' Mickey pirouetted over on his rolling roller-skates to Martha's bedside. Turning a casual 360 degrees fareinheit turn Mickey grabbed her wrist and asked 'Martha listen to me have you got asthma or is it that mischievous frog in your throat again?' 'Well to saw a lung story short, I sawed out my lungs' Martha croaked. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her pre-prepared speech. 'Here's one I made earlier. Do not mourn me when I am gone. The results are in I can now reveal I'm going to die! Seconds left I have only one. Goodbye. Ooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnne.' After completing her speech she promptly entered a coma,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Mickey once again melted into a puddle, which the Doctor conveniently slipped on. 'Bloody puddle' The Doctor said shaking his head condescendingly. Rose popped her head over a fence- 'What's occurring?' 'Oh nothing' said the Doctor offhandedly, 'Martha's just kicking buckets.' At that moment a scrawny arm popped out of a slightly battered barrel and chips followed by a slightly less scrawny body. 'Sweet sweet the memories you gave to me, can't beat the memories you gave to me. Oh hello Doctor' 'Donna!' the Doctor shouted 'I thought you were dead, why did you roll down the hill in that barrel' Donna took a moment to consider his question. 'I just wanted to experience material deposition for myself.'


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Doctor who, Harry Potter, Catrin and Lord of The Flies references belong to their respective authors/creators.

Summary: Martha is still in a coma will she survive? And what's happened to Donna?

The room was a square environmental blank, disinfected of paintings and toys. Mickey sighed as he watched the machines monitoring Martha. The steady beeping and the regular patterns of her pulse were slowly lulling him to sleep. His head was beginning to droop when the Doctor said loudly; 'The light in here is all wrong' Mickey nodded before calmly agreeing 'It's far too bright and it's giving me a headache' the Doctor rolled his eyes. 'No Mickey I meant that it's really difficult to take pictures of myself on my phone when it's too light.' Mickey couldn't help but gasp. When had the Doctor become so selfish?

Rose was attempting to speak to Donna. 'Donna can you explain what happened?' Donna answered back without hesitation. 'I want to become a geographer, it really interests me. I can't travel with the Doctor forever and it would still give me a chance to travel and to discover new places' Rose looked at Donna admiringly. 'Me and Mickey never really thought about what we were going to do. I sort of assumed I would travel with the Doctor forever.' Donna squeezed her hand. 'Thanks Donna' said Rose. 'What?' said Donna 'You will marry me, fantastic' Rose shrugged clearly Donna wasn't entirely recovered from the barrel incident.

At that moment a man walked in. He stepped forward addressing them all. 'I'm the Archbishop of Canterbury I'm here to read the last rites for Miss Jones here.' He smiled sadly 'Such a shame for one so young' Mickey was clearly growing more and more agitated by this point and the moment the archbishop finished speaking he exploded.

You just crossed the line

All over the walls with his words (and guts), coloured the clean squares with the wild, tender circles of his struggle to become separate. 'I want' he shouted 'you to leave. We don't want muggles here.' The archbishop's eyebrows raised in shock and promptly wriggled off his forehead showing themselves to actually be transformers; transformers bugs above your eyes! The Doctor glanced over from the window in which he had been admiring his reflection. Seeing everything was just as normal, he proceeded once more to puff out his cheeks and make goldfish impressions.

A woman came past with a patient on a trolley. Donna shunted the dying patient onto the floor and leapt onto the trolley. Her momentum(=massxvelocity) shunted her (as gently as he possibly could given the circumstances) straight into the operating theatre which isn't really anyone's favourite type of theatre unless you are a strict vegetarian and hamlet is on in all of the other theatres.

Rose and the Doctor ran out of the room desperately searching for Donna. 'This way' shouted the Doctor. The pair ran into a small room containing only a mirror and a stained glass window. The Doctor stopped and looked at himself in the mirror. 'Doctor' said Rose. 'You know I'm only with Mickey for the marzipan don't you? There's just something about that creamy yellow almond paste that gets me every time. As far as love goes I let the bloody fire out from under our relationship a long time ago.' The Doctor stroked his lightly whiskered jaw line mentally praising himself for stealing the whiskers from those rabbits. He put on his most serious (not Black) voice and said 'I love you' Rose's face lit up she'd forgotten to let the bloody fire out. 'Doctor I...' 'Shush Rose I'm talking to my reflection' said the Doctor 'Who's gorgeous, you're gorgeous who's your daddy, not me my children aren't main characters there just background information that get occasionally brought up during my adventures for a bit of drama.' Rose screamed 'Rot in hell doctooooooooooooooor! I'm going to find Donna'

'Have you seen an average height woman with red hair? Quite loud and insane?' Rose asked what felt like the hundredth person in the last five minutes. 'Donna!' she shouted scanning the room for red hair and scrawny arm muscles. When she realised that Donna was gone-a she decided to go and check on marzipan... I mean Martha. As she left a twelve year old boy with scruffy black hair, glasses and a lightning shaped scar ran after her. 'Rose' he shouted with a familiar sounding voice 'IT'S DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONA AND I WANT TO TEACH YOU ABOUT TRUNCATED SPURS!'


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Doctor who, Harry Potter, Miranda, Winnie the Pooh and Lord of The Flies references belong to their respective authors/creators.

Summary: Martha is still unconcious and Rose is on the hunt for the Doctor and Donna

Rose stepped into the ward as quietly as possible and tiptoed up to the bed where Martha was lying unconscious. 'Mickey' she said softly 'I am sorry that Martha's hurt you know.' Mickey turned away towards Martha's bedside where thanks to the fruit bowl there was no shortage of fruit. 'I understand' he said. 'I know you're not a bad person.' He turned around and smiled at Rose. She smiled back and for a moment their previous anger disappeared until they were distracted by Martha making a noise. 'She's trying to speak' Rose realised. 'R- R- Ralph' said Martha. Mickey turned pale. 'Mickey' Rose whispered 'I- I'm sorry'. Mickey looked at her and said calmly 'Just leave Rose, ok.' Rose turned and left. She decided to find Donna and the doctor so she walked back to the room where she had left him.

You Just Crossed The Line

Meanwhile a significantly different looking Donna was meandering, like the amazon river- the largest river in all of Russia, down a corridor (the polish corridor to be exact) when she heard a loud voice shout her from down the corridor. 'hey you with the ridiculous scruffy haircut, I mean what are you some kind of tramp. Homelessness is so last year!' Out of the mist appeared the most beautiful woman in the whole of existence. She was draped in vintage, designer scarves (so fashionable darling it's a yes from Gokwaniqua!) and was wearing a pair of impossibly stylish glasses. Just so you know she told us to write that. Donna Potter was blinded. She picked her glasses back off the floor. As her lenses came into locusts they flew off her face and she was again blinded. 'what the devil is going on hereeeee?' 'firstly kebab child if you're going for the 'hot- dog' look you really should lose those locusts darling, I mean they're just really not appetising' Meanwhile the Doctor was still admiring himself in the mirror, which could be amusing in some circumstances but in this situation really isn't. 'Such fun darlings. Although I think that the nurse was one pashmina short of a wardrobe. Ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha ho-ho-ho I'm not Santa batches (of loaves)' Gokwaniqua said as she stormed into the room where the doctor was gazing a-door-ingly at ajar. The doctor swivelled like he was born to swivel and faced Gokwaniqua's face. 'Is this a dagger I see before me? No its new super soap guaranteed to wash the blood from your hands with a BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG (because that's what happens in soaps)' Gokwaniqua was thrilled no person had ever complimented her like this before (I don't think anyone had ever complimented her at all to be honest but you never can tell with bees). 'Thank you. You know I'd sacrifice a finger just to see you once again, I'd sell my kidney just to have another day, I'd bleed my blood dry just to have a word or two, but I'd smash up my heart, before giving it back to you.' The doctor cried tears of comfort and joy, comfort and joy oh tea-ears of comfort and joy. Too many ears and tea.


End file.
